"

In a study of children aged 2-5, parents interrupted their daughters more than their sons, and fathers were more likely to talk simultaneously with their children than mothers were. Jennifer Coates says: “It seems that fathers try to control conversation more than mothers… and both parents try to control conversation more with daughters than with sons. The implicit message to girls is that they are more interruptible and that their right to speak is less than that of boys.”

Girls and boys’ differing understanding of when to talk, when to be quiet, what is polite and so on, has a visible impact on the dynamics of the classroom. Just as men dominate the floor in business meetings, academic conferences and so on, so little boys dominate in the classroom - and little girls let them.

"

islashishipiflail:

von—gelmini:

clannyphantom:

ponywindything:

thatradicalnotion:

Lisa Simpson at Stuff-n-Hug

This really says a LOT

simpsons is so next level

I took my girls shopping for some summer clothes Saturday. T-shirts, jeans, shorts. They both love Marvel and superheroes and transformers and Hogwarts and stuff like that. Not so much pink and pretty stuff. They’ve both grown so much that this was the first time we were shopping in the grown up women’s section. Boring selections when it comes to t-shirts. Flowers and zebras and butterflies.

But what was making it near impossible was that all the t-shirts, the few they kinda-sorta liked, had either low/wide cut necklines or were extremely tailored for nipped in waists with little cap sleeves and short hemlines. Showing way too much skin for their ages as far as we all were concerned. So we headed over to the men’s section. A whole WALL full of properly cut tees with great designs on them!

They ran over and started hunting up things they liked. Two women were stocking shelves. 

"You know these are MEN’S shirts."

"The girl’s section is over there."

"There’s not gonna be any Princesses over here, darlin’."

"These shirts are for the boys."

"This isn’t going to fit you right, honey."

I ignored the first time one of them said anything. Just told the girls what sizes they needed to look for and that they could each pick five shirts. But the women kept interrupting me. I tried to stay polite. “Yes, I know this is the men’s department.” But they kept making comments.

Finally I was getting mad. I told them we didn’t need any help. My girls were allowed to wear whatever they liked and they didn’t like the shirt designs in the women’s section and I didn’t like how low the necklines were.

Instead of just noticing that I was getting fed up with their “help”, they started arguing with me! One of them told my oldest, who is conventionally cute and skinny and starting to fill out (but still only 12), that “Oh that’s just because he’s your daddy. He doesn’t understand that a girl wants to show off for the boys!”

That was the last straw. I’m afraid I totally lost my temper. I told them (amongst a few other choice words) that they’d better walk away and come back to finish restocking the shelves once we’d left the area or I’d get the manager.

I try hard not to be rude to sales people and people in the service industry. That’s a difficult and thankless job. But for fuck’s sake! The first few comments were bad enough, but trying to undermine my moral authority with my kids? All in the name of  gender and sexuality policing. They couldn’t get past the idea that my girls might prefer t-shirts that had “boy” designs on them and that didn’t hyper-sexualize them. The idea was abhorrent to them and they had to interfere and then KEEP interfering.

Once our sales “help” was gone, the girls found a bunch of shirts. Captain America, Minecraft, Doctor Who, Batman, Avengers. All the stuff they’re into. I mean, they also like MLP and Littlest Pet Shop and soft fluffy stuffed animals and Monster High dolls. We hit the toy section too for some of that stuff cos they brought their saved-up allowances with them. 

At least we didn’t get any “help” in the shoe section. They’d’ve had a cow again cos while the youngest found a cute pair of pink and purple sneakers, I ‘let’ the oldest go to the men’s section and find a cool pair of dark blue and grey ones. (and omg their feet are huge! youngest wears a women’s size 9.5 and oldest wars a men’s 8. FFS, I wear a men’s 8.5. Their feet are almost as big as mine! How’d that happen?)

I hate this gender policing shit and won’t put up with it at all. I always feel for kids whose parents enforce this shit. I see it at stores when a girl or boy strays outside the lines, too often the parents are the one who pull them back into their place and it makes me sad.

Like, their friends who are boys, when they’re over at our house, they sit there and play with the girl toys as much as the boy toys. One of the boys loves playing LPS with my youngest, making up stories and stuff. The first time I walked out into the playroom and saw, he got so nervous and tried to say that he was just doing it to be nice to her. I told him that it was fine. He could play with whatever he wanted to and I wouldn’t tell anyone. Word got around to the other boys I guess cos now they all play whatever and don’t stop if I “catch” them.

I get shit from my mom about it too. I’m trying to make them into little boys. I shouldn’t have bought them trucks and toy swords when they were little. The oldest needs to learn to start wearing dresses now not just blue jeans. Why did I ‘let’ her get her hair cut short? I need to put the youngest on a diet and make her wear training bras. Why do I let them play with boys? etc etc etc. 

*eyeroll.gif*

I just find it so hard to believe that it’s the 21st century and people are still getting their knickers in a twist over this kind of thing.

yagazieemezi:

BUTCH is a environmental portraiture project and exploration of the butch aesthetic, identity and presentation of female masculinity as it stands in 2013-14. It is a celebration of those who dwell outside of the stringent social binary that separates the sexes and a glimpse into the private and often unseen spaces of people who exude their authentic sense of self.

BUTCH is a celebration of those who choose to exist and identify outside of this binary that has never allowed any accepted crossover. BUTCH is inviting viewers into private lives of female masculinity and suggesting a resilience in nature’s insistence that there is more depth to masculinity and femininity than societal norms care to entertain. Who is policing gender presentation, and why? The fashion world has been asking the same question for ages. Are we ready for the answers now? It is undeniable that we are born with the sex organs that we are born with, but why are so we threatened by what others choose to claim as their gender presentation? Are we ready for these explanations? Or are we more afraid of the question? - keep reading

geviladaheel:

To those who say ‘men and women’s brain are different’ I respond this:

”Almost daily, new evidence emerges of just how much our brains can change over the course of our lives, in response to shifting thought patterns and behavior. If we keep at it, if we channel our talent for hard work, we can make our brains more confidence-prone. What the neuroscientists call plasticity, we call hope.”

"If all we’re doing to address toxic masculinity is to expand the masculine box, we’re not fixing anything.
The problem with the male “box” getting smaller as the gender roles for women expand isn’t feminism, it isn’t women, it isn’t “female privilege”, it’s masculinity, male privilege and the idea that being a man MUST BE BETTER than being a woman, that MAN STUFF CANNOT TOUCH WOMAN STUFF, that being a woman is bad, that being called a girl is the WORST THING EVER, that being told you throw like a girl will DESTROY YOU.
That’s the problem.
And the solution isn’t to push women back, and take all their stuff, and put up a flag saying I PROCLAIM THIS LAND IN THE NAME OF MANHOOD, it’s for “manhood” to get the fuck over itself, and understand there’s nothing wrong with sharing qualities, interests, traits, and identity with girls and women."

Ami Angelwings on toxic idea of masculinity in our culture.

Just dug up this article and thought I’d share the most crucial part of it. Ami masterfully examines how hurtful are patriarchal views on gender.

(via ozziescribbler)

star-anise:

So some dudes were complaining lately, “Women are telling guys to stop telling them how to dress, but not all guys are total misogynists!  Women do it to each other too!”
So. People.  Let me tell you a thing.
This is a picture of a panopticon. It’s a kind of prison.  See, it’s a giant circle, with all the cells around the rim.  The tower in the middle is where the guards are.  The guards can see into all the prisoners’ cells, but the prisoners cannot see each other, and they have difficulty seeing the guards.  Each prisoner knows that at any time, they are being watched, and if the guards see them behaving incorrectly, they will come with truncheons and beat the prisoner up.  They learn to feel that gaze on them, all the time; every movement makes them think, “What if this breaks the rules, and they see, and they come and punish me?”  Soon, prisoners don’t need guards standing over them all the time to follow the rules; they do it themselves, because that gaze is omnipresent.  Even when the guard house is empty, they still think, “What if someone is watching me?”  (This is all from Michel Foucault.  You want more on this, go read Discipline and Punish, enjoy the descriptions of medieval torture.)
The panopticon is a metaphor.  In our society, we are constantly watched, tracked, disciplined, and punished, from childhood. The school says you skipped class today.  The babysitter says you wouldn’t follow the rules.  The police saw you at the park with your friends.  We are held to valid rules, and to bullshit rules; some of them are necessary to make our society safe, and some of them just make us easier to exploit.
You are held to rules.  I am held to rules.  They vary.  As a woman, I am held to rules that say be small be pretty defer to someone else and I’m punished in different ways if I don’t obey.  My brother is held to different rules, that say be strong don’t feel dominate the situation.  We end up policing each other; we meet and he says, “Looking good,” and I remember: people are watching how I dress and how I look.  If I disobey, they will notice, and I could be punished.  I meet him after his job and ask, “Do you think you’ll be promoted soon?” and he remembers: people pay attention to whether or not I’m in charge, and if I’m not dominant, I could be punished.
Sometimes the guardhouse is empty.  Sometimes nobody is paying close attention to what I’m wearing.  Sometimes the guards don’t come to punish me, so whether or not I am pretty or attractive does not affect whether I get to own property.  (It used to: whether or not my ancestresses were married affected their legal and economic statuses hugely)
Feminism is about the work of dismantling the prison when it comes to bullshit rules.  It’s about saying that we shouldn’t be held to stupid rules based on gender.  So it’s about the work of getting rid of the cells and the watchtower, and getting rid of the guards with truncheons.  We can stop telling each other these stories about all the rules we’re held to, and we can stop punishing each other for breaking them.  My brother stops telling me, “You’ll never get a date if you dress like that.”  I stop telling him, “You need to be strong and work hard so you come out on top.”
So no, feminists don’t believe that all men everywhere are 100% misogynistic.  It’s just that a lot of women are conditioned to think that 100% of the time, there is a risk that someone is watching us, and we will be punished if the break the rules.  It is really hard work to break the social structures and the internal attitudes that imprison us.
And yes, women can enforce the panopticon.  Hell, I’ll even tell you a womanly secret: I cannot count the number of times I’ve received cruelty at the hands of fellow girls for the way I looked or dressed.  My entire middle school experience was basically that and algebra. We’re working on fixing that!  Please, do not doubt that we’ve been working on that among ourselves as a gender.  Women have spent a lot of blood, sweat, and tears trying to change how we treat each other.  Now we’re asking you to pitch in.

star-anise:

So some dudes were complaining lately, “Women are telling guys to stop telling them how to dress, but not all guys are total misogynists!  Women do it to each other too!”

So. People.  Let me tell you a thing.

This is a picture of a panopticon. It’s a kind of prison.  See, it’s a giant circle, with all the cells around the rim.  The tower in the middle is where the guards are.  The guards can see into all the prisoners’ cells, but the prisoners cannot see each other, and they have difficulty seeing the guards.  Each prisoner knows that at any time, they are being watched, and if the guards see them behaving incorrectly, they will come with truncheons and beat the prisoner up.  They learn to feel that gaze on them, all the time; every movement makes them think, “What if this breaks the rules, and they see, and they come and punish me?”  Soon, prisoners don’t need guards standing over them all the time to follow the rules; they do it themselves, because that gaze is omnipresent.  Even when the guard house is empty, they still think, “What if someone is watching me?”  (This is all from Michel Foucault.  You want more on this, go read Discipline and Punish, enjoy the descriptions of medieval torture.)

The panopticon is a metaphor.  In our society, we are constantly watched, tracked, disciplined, and punished, from childhood. The school says you skipped class today.  The babysitter says you wouldn’t follow the rules.  The police saw you at the park with your friends.  We are held to valid rules, and to bullshit rules; some of them are necessary to make our society safe, and some of them just make us easier to exploit.

You are held to rules.  I am held to rules.  They vary.  As a woman, I am held to rules that say be small be pretty defer to someone else and I’m punished in different ways if I don’t obey.  My brother is held to different rules, that say be strong don’t feel dominate the situation.  We end up policing each other; we meet and he says, “Looking good,” and I remember: people are watching how I dress and how I look.  If I disobey, they will notice, and I could be punished.  I meet him after his job and ask, “Do you think you’ll be promoted soon?” and he remembers: people pay attention to whether or not I’m in charge, and if I’m not dominant, I could be punished.

Sometimes the guardhouse is empty.  Sometimes nobody is paying close attention to what I’m wearing.  Sometimes the guards don’t come to punish me, so whether or not I am pretty or attractive does not affect whether I get to own property.  (It used to: whether or not my ancestresses were married affected their legal and economic statuses hugely)

Feminism is about the work of dismantling the prison when it comes to bullshit rules.  It’s about saying that we shouldn’t be held to stupid rules based on gender.  So it’s about the work of getting rid of the cells and the watchtower, and getting rid of the guards with truncheons.  We can stop telling each other these stories about all the rules we’re held to, and we can stop punishing each other for breaking them.  My brother stops telling me, “You’ll never get a date if you dress like that.”  I stop telling him, “You need to be strong and work hard so you come out on top.”

So no, feminists don’t believe that all men everywhere are 100% misogynistic.  It’s just that a lot of women are conditioned to think that 100% of the time, there is a risk that someone is watching us, and we will be punished if the break the rules.  It is really hard work to break the social structures and the internal attitudes that imprison us.

And yes, women can enforce the panopticon.  Hell, I’ll even tell you a womanly secret: I cannot count the number of times I’ve received cruelty at the hands of fellow girls for the way I looked or dressed.  My entire middle school experience was basically that and algebra. We’re working on fixing that!  Please, do not doubt that we’ve been working on that among ourselves as a gender.  Women have spent a lot of blood, sweat, and tears trying to change how we treat each other.  Now we’re asking you to pitch in.

flatandsassy:

WELL THAT WAS AN EPISODE.

Okay. Let’s make some things really fucking clear. I know this shit is 20 years old but it has still made me incandescent with rage.

Because I can SEE what they’re trying to do.

The language they use is SO PRECISELY the language of LGBT struggles, and I wanted so badly to see this as an early attempt at advocating for equality.

But they don’t understand that they are HURTING US by defining men and women in large part by whom they are attracted to.

They are HURTING US by portraying a post-gender society as oppressive and unnatural, needing to rely on strict control in order to continue.

They are HURTING US when Worf will gladly go against captain’s orders in order to save someone from being forced into androgyny but it is explicit that he would never do the same for someone being forced into a gender binary.

And IT IS NOT OKAY to use the struggle of someone demanding to be let into the heteropatriarchy as an allegory for the struggle of those of us who are struggling to leave it behind in whole or in part, through orientation or gender identity.

Because the audience they are trying to reach is not going to get the message of “don’t judge people for their gender identity or who they love.” The message that is being sent, more clearly than any other, is that attempting to dismantle oppressive gender systems will lead to us becoming like the antagonists in this story. That humanity will thrive in the future only if equality is created and reserved for cis straight people. Because at this point in the Star Trek canon, there is no queer community in the 24th century, and that is far more powerful than any shitty metaphorical morality.

postgraphics:

High heels can be a pain in the feet
Often painstakingly selected to complete outfits, high heels put stress not just on feet, but on ankles, knees and backs, contributing to the approximately $3.5 billion spent annually in the United States for women’s foot surgeries, which cause them to lose 15 million work days yearly.

postgraphics:

High heels can be a pain in the feet

Often painstakingly selected to complete outfits, high heels put stress not just on feet, but on ankles, knees and backs, contributing to the approximately $3.5 billion spent annually in the United States for women’s foot surgeries, which cause them to lose 15 million work days yearly.

wizzard890:

xshruglife:



“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”  Oscar Wilde


Forever reblog

This gif’s widespread use as shorthand for the concept of ~weaponized femininity~ has always bothered me, and I’ve never understood why it’s become so popular. I mean, sure, at first brush, it seems obvious: here is a studiedly beautiful woman who, with the simple gesture of placing a cigarette between her lips, has dozens of men wrapped around her finger, vying for her favor. But just take a minute here and look at her face. She’s not reveling in this, you get the feeling that she didn’t even expect it, this woman is upset and overwhelmed by the amount of male attention she’s getting.
Because this is a pivotal moment in a movie about a woman who is forced into prostitution.
Giuseppe Tornatore’s Malena came out in 2000, and starred Monica Bellucci as the titular Malena, a young wife whose husband is off fighting for the Axis Powers in WWII. Beautiful and shy, Malena tries to keep to herself, but finds it increasingly difficult as word of her husband’s absence attracts not only the attention of all the men in town, but the bitter jealousy of their wives and lovers. She does nothing to encourage any of her suitors, and instead spends her days caring for her aging father. But this uneasy peace in her life is shattered when she receives word of her husband’s death, and she’s left to fend for herself in a town where half the people only care for her body, and the other half hate her for it.
In the rest of the film we see the following: Malena’s relationship with her father destroyed as a result of sexual slander, Malena taken to court by a jealous neighbor who swears the young woman was sleeping with her husband, Malena’s rape by her lawyer as “payment” for her legal fees, Malena’s entry into the world of prostitution, and Melena’s public beating, stripping, and humiliation at the hands of the town’s women when the Americans arrive at the end of the war. Her husband appears in the third act, somehow alive, and he reclaims his wife, restoring her to respectability, and the townspeople begin to accept her once more, now that she is on the arm of her husband, and has, as some of the women whisper, ‘put on a little weight”. 
But in spite of all of that, the film isn’t Malena’s story. Instead, we see her life through the eyes of our narrator, a young boy who by turns worships her and is disgusted by her “fall”. This is his coming of age, his discovery of himself through Malena’s trauma and the specter of female sexual jealousy.
In short, this is not a woman’s movie. Malena’s beauty is a cage, something that draws awful, selfish responses from the men around her, responses that she is forced to endure as a result of her situation. And what’s worse, her looks isolate her from women, none of whom can see past her smoky eyes and hourglass figure to the heartbroken widow who needs a friend.
So you know. Use gifs if you like, weaponize that femininity in the most numbskulled, reductively simple way possible, because lipstick is ~how you control men~ and Sex Is About Power, like Oscar Wilde said. Just remember that in this film, and so tragically often in real life, that power doesn’t rest in women’s hands. 

wizzard890:

xshruglife:


“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”  Oscar Wilde

Forever reblog

This gif’s widespread use as shorthand for the concept of ~weaponized femininity~ has always bothered me, and I’ve never understood why it’s become so popular. I mean, sure, at first brush, it seems obvious: here is a studiedly beautiful woman who, with the simple gesture of placing a cigarette between her lips, has dozens of men wrapped around her finger, vying for her favor. But just take a minute here and look at her face. She’s not reveling in this, you get the feeling that she didn’t even expect it, this woman is upset and overwhelmed by the amount of male attention she’s getting.

Because this is a pivotal moment in a movie about a woman who is forced into prostitution.

Giuseppe Tornatore’s Malena came out in 2000, and starred Monica Bellucci as the titular Malena, a young wife whose husband is off fighting for the Axis Powers in WWII. Beautiful and shy, Malena tries to keep to herself, but finds it increasingly difficult as word of her husband’s absence attracts not only the attention of all the men in town, but the bitter jealousy of their wives and lovers. She does nothing to encourage any of her suitors, and instead spends her days caring for her aging father. But this uneasy peace in her life is shattered when she receives word of her husband’s death, and she’s left to fend for herself in a town where half the people only care for her body, and the other half hate her for it.

In the rest of the film we see the following: Malena’s relationship with her father destroyed as a result of sexual slander, Malena taken to court by a jealous neighbor who swears the young woman was sleeping with her husband, Malena’s rape by her lawyer as “payment” for her legal fees, Malena’s entry into the world of prostitution, and Melena’s public beating, stripping, and humiliation at the hands of the town’s women when the Americans arrive at the end of the war. Her husband appears in the third act, somehow alive, and he reclaims his wife, restoring her to respectability, and the townspeople begin to accept her once more, now that she is on the arm of her husband, and has, as some of the women whisper, ‘put on a little weight”. 

But in spite of all of that, the film isn’t Malena’s story. Instead, we see her life through the eyes of our narrator, a young boy who by turns worships her and is disgusted by her “fall”. This is his coming of age, his discovery of himself through Malena’s trauma and the specter of female sexual jealousy.

In short, this is not a woman’s movie. Malena’s beauty is a cage, something that draws awful, selfish responses from the men around her, responses that she is forced to endure as a result of her situation. And what’s worse, her looks isolate her from women, none of whom can see past her smoky eyes and hourglass figure to the heartbroken widow who needs a friend.

So you know. Use gifs if you like, weaponize that femininity in the most numbskulled, reductively simple way possible, because lipstick is ~how you control men~ and Sex Is About Power, like Oscar Wilde said. Just remember that in this film, and so tragically often in real life, that power doesn’t rest in women’s hands. 

coffeerack:

screamingshota:

screamingshota:

GO TOYS R US GO

please read thsi ITS SO IMPORTANT AND GOOD

"Other retailers including Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Boots, The Entertainer and TK Maxx have agree to banish ‘girls’ and ‘boys’ signs from the aisles following intervention from Let Toys Be Toys."

this is fantastic news

theuppitynegras:

seriouslyamerica:

"Oh, you know girls just mature faster than boys."

Hmm did you ever consider

that might be because boys’ indiscretions are excused with a simple “Boys will be boys,”  

while we simultaneously force girls to grow up too fast by sexualizing them at increasingly younger ages?

image

eddeha:

Holy crap how do you site-check this
I don’t want this to be true

Wouldn’t doubt it’s true. And not that long ago wasn’t it revealed that murder was the leading cause of death of pregnant women in the US? With the father of the fetus usually being the murderer.

eddeha:

Holy crap how do you site-check this

I don’t want this to be true

Wouldn’t doubt it’s true. And not that long ago wasn’t it revealed that murder was the leading cause of death of pregnant women in the US? With the father of the fetus usually being the murderer.