a kid at hogwarts who just wants to get a proper education but can’t focus because of all of the shit harry potter and his friends keep getting themselves into
Jenna B. Lacey, age eleven, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life.
She was going to go to Hogwarts, get top grades, and be the youngest female Minister of Magic by age 35.
It would have been a good plan, if she hadn’t been in the same year as Harry Potter.
* * *
Year one started out great. She was sorted into Hufflepuff, did well in all her classes, and aced the exams.
A troll smashed its way through the study room she was in on Halloween, but that wasn’t going to deter her.
* * *
Year two was a disaster. People were getting petrified, and worse—the teachers had to herd them from place to place, which severely cut down on her library time. She had to study in the common room, which meant instead of a nice, quiet atmosphere, she got a soundtrack of nervous Hufflepuffs.
And on top of that, exams were cancelled. It was a disaster.
* * *
Third year, she started to notice a trend.
First the troll, than the petrifications, and now dementor guards and escaped convicts. What did they all have in common? Potter.
After Black broke in and everyone had to spend the night in the Great Hall, interrupting Jenna’s last minute studying for a test the next day, she took to giving Potter angry looks in every class.
He did not notice.
* * *
They announced the Triwizard tournament at dinner the first night of fourth year, and Jenna almost started crying.
Potter was going to take this one over. She just knew it.
And she was right.
Voldemort rose at the end of the year. She honestly didn’t know what she had expected.
* * *
Fifth year brought Umbridge. She joined the DA because she was going to need a better background in defense, but that didn’t mean she was any happier about Potter.
She imagined it was him she was hexing instead of Zachariah Smith.
But, by the end of the year, focus on her studies was impossible. After Dumbledore left, it was complete anarchy.
Potter’s fault. Of course.
* * *
Sixth year she started volunteering in the hospital wing. She needed a backup plan in case Potter fucked it up.
All seemed quiet, until they brought Malfoy in. It was apparently Potter’s fault, which surprised everyone except Jenna.
Later, she was peacefully studying in a little nook on the third floor when some Death Eaters and some other adults started dueling right under her nose.
This was the worst fucking school, honestly.
* * *
They were calling it “The Final Battle.”
Jenna ran through the hall, dodging in and out of the children evacuating, until she saw him.
He turned, startled. “Um—Jenna, right? We’re sort of busy—”
She grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him up until he was eye level with her. “If I’m not Minister of Magic by age 35, it is going to be entirely your fault and I’m going to hurt you.”
She dropped him and stormed away, leaving him to whatever he was doing. She had to fight this goddamn war so she could go back to her fucking studying.
* * *
She became Minister of Magic at age 36.
I think I just found the best Harry Potter fanfic
- salazar: hey everyone just wanted your opinion on something
- helga: shoot
- salazar: okay what if we get giant versions of our house symbols
- rowena: what
- salazar: like godric would have a giant lion chilling out somewhere and rowena would have a big canary
- rowena: its an eagle
- salazar: okay whatever
- godric: i dont think uh
- salazar: it cant be too hard to find a huge badger
- godric: okay dude no this is ridiculous absolutely no giant house symbols
- salazar: oh um okay because i kind of uh
- helga: what did you do
- salazar: NOTHING
Imagine James Potter getting wasted and making a bet with Sirius that he can totally transform into his Animagus shape no biggie - and it goes fine but then he’s too drunk to change back and Muggles get confronted with this really drunk deer roaming the streets pursued by a man who can’t stop laughing
these are the best
I think the fact that within Hogwarts there’s a lot of distaste for Slytherin and Hufflepuff shows some interesting insight into the wizarding community. Like, Hufflepuff represents hard work and fairness, right? But there’s the idea that Hufflepuffs are losers, sort of the proverbial nice guys who finish last. On the other hand, Slytherins, who represent cunning and ambition and personal drive, are seen as cutthroat and generally nasty and mean.
Ultimately, Hufflepuff and Slytherin are both rooted in philosophies on self betterment and achieving success in life, both in terms of being a better person and being a more powerful/wealthy person. The obvious question raised by Hogwarts student’s disapproval of both Slytherin and Hufflepuff is this: if it makes you a loser to succeed through hard work and fairness, but a cheat to succeed through cleverness and an attitude of doing whatever it takes to achieve your goals, how is someone in the wizarding world expected to gain power/wealth/status if they aren’t already born with it?
It’s also worth noting that in a world where magic can do your work for you, Hufflepuffs are scoffed at for being willing to work at all, and Slytherins are shunned for taking advantage of magic to it’s fullest.
"your password is weak"
You’re the weak one
And you’ll never know love, or friendship
And I feel sorry for you
NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR CAPS. PHOENICIAN SPELLS. ARAMAIC SPELLS. LANGUAGES MUGGLES DON’T KNOW ANYMORE THAT HAVE BEEN PRESERVED THROUGH WIZARDING SPELLS IN LITTLE POCKETS OF THE WORLD. SOURCE LANGUAGES NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO ADAPT OR CHANGE ANYMORE BECAUSE THE LANGUAGES HAVE DIED AND PEOPLE ARE AFRAID TO CAUSE LIKE, A NUCLEAR FALLOUT. IM SO EXCITED THANKS FOR THIS.
#WOOOOOO#literally all i wanna do is write a wizarding series set there#and to explore the prejudices of not only class difference and blood difference#but also religious differences and how that affects their magic#and instead of a ministry theres the monarchy#and djinn instead of ghosts#and just ARABIC FOLKLORE /throws rainbow sparkles/#im gonna die#harry potter#language#linguistics#ARAMIC SPELLSSSS#headcanon that bc they use the older/oldest languages middle eastern witches and wizards have no need for wands to channel their magic#bc it’s so pure and strong#ANOTHER HEaDCANON#pets allowed to be brought to school include and are not limited to: sphinxes. fennec foxes. golems.#desert wolves too#basically go big or go home with school pets (the-writers-ramblings)
Witches in secret pockets of Morocco who’ve been casting spells with ancient spices long before wands came about. Warlocks in Egypt who knew the double, magical, meaning behind hieroglyphics. A dead language? Latin and Ancient Greek have NOTHING on hieroglyphs. The veritable cacophany of ideas and spells and magic that the trading routes brought in. The Phoenecians with their many-striped sailboats proudly displayed Persian potion ingredients alongside spelled fishing nets woven by Palestinian wizards. Syrian magical folk meet Greek ones, and realize they can best communicate in the Ancient Greek all serious magical students learn. Curly heads bent over ancient spellbooks, and people stare as they converse in a language not spoken for hundreds of years.
Excuse you but can we not forget the jewish lore masters, poring over their tomes in hebrew and aramaic, preserved from their exiled homeland into the diaspora.
And the development of a syncretic magic in yiddish that mixes the subtle lore and subtle word power of the exiled levantines with the raw brute force of germanic magics. — how else did the golem?
DIASPORA SYNCRETIC MAGICS
jewish wizards offering house elves clothes in accordance with the slave laws
jewish wizards using golems as grunt labor
Yes to the Yiddish spells, too ;-)
Jewish wizards offering clothing to house elves and then constantly debating among themselves whether using a golem or other magically-created entity with some semblance of sentience for manual labor for years or decades is essentially the same thing as keeping a magical being for the same purpose.
See also: endless debates about whether one can use magic on Shabbat, and what sorts of magic qualify as “work”. Like, does it count if you enchant an object ahead of time?
Also debates over the extent to which Divination counts as the “witchcraft” detailed in the Tanach. Actually, I bet there’d be scholars compiling detailed tractates about which spells are kosher, using extensive biblical commentary.
JEWISH WIZARDS HAVING THEIR OWN EXTENDED TALMUD. HOW HAS THIS NEVER OCCURRED TO ME BEFORE??
Magic is a natural extension of the self; Therefore, one should be allowed to use magic on Shabbos. You might put restrictions on what kind of magic, and brewing potions (even ones that don’t require heat) and using wands…
I wrote a paper for a Harry Potter conference on foreign wizardry and how the systems of magic must have evolved to be completely separate entities that have very little in common. We’re only seen a TINY portion of the wizarding world and for the most part it’s Western European. I like to imagine Bill Weasley had to extensively train for cursebreaking in Egypt, because you can’t just waltz into a tomb, wave your wand, shout Latin and expect it to work.
I also love the idea of foreign magics being a bit wonky in a duel against each other because they’re not quite compatible. Like, it’s really hard to block a spell from a foreign wizard because you don’t understand exactly what you’re blocking against.
God, so many foreign wizard feels.
every time i see this come back around on my dash i see it with my edition of jewish wizards and it delights me
also, this is a BEAUTIFUL thread
True story: an Orthodox Jewish con attendee told me telekinesis counts as work. I cannot remember the precedence, but someone helped with construction by raising his arms to lift the blocks (Moses? Solomon?).