created by mark millar, he was introduced as an angry, exaggerated caricature of a dudebro’s misunderstanding of the worst aspects of 616 captain america. he’s SUPER ANGRY ALL THE TIME, BECAUSE THE 1940S WERE THE BEST TIME PERIOD EVER AND YOUNG LADIES DIDN’T DRESS LIKE SLUTS AND IT WAS OK TO SAY THE N WORD. mark millar does not understand captain america.
anyways. ults cap is frozen for 70 years and wakes up to find his fiancee married his best friend bucky barnes, who was like, a war photographer/journalist who followed captain america around? or something, anyways they married and are super old now and bucky’s dying of cancer. and steve is ANGRY AND SAD. and then he joins the ultimates and things happen and george w. bush asks him if the 21st century is cool or uncool and he says
thanks ults cap!!!!
and then….things happen and steve is SO SAD AND ANGRY. he moves back into his old neighborhood which has become a crime-ridden ghetto with a lot of punk kids who heckle him and he’s angry about it. and he dates janet van dyne and beats the shit out of her abusive ex husband hank pym and she is angry at him for that (for…reasons???) and he’s confused and angry about that too. he’s so angry.
at some point, steve is sent to fight an evil captain america from the 1960s who beats him up and takes him prisoner. steve escapes by biting a venomous snake and spitting the venom in evil cap’s eyes, which is SICK and AWESOME. and then he beats evil cap up and gives hawkeye a bible. or something. that might happen at another point I’m not sure.
and then it’s revealed that when he died, his fiancee gail was pregnant (ults cap got BUSY during the war) and the government took her baby and raised him in a secret facility to be their next super soldier. only he turned out INSANE and cut his own face off and killed everyone in the camp he was raised in and turned into the red skull. and then steve stabbed him with a jet. and steve is sad and angry about his son being crazy and dead and it’s very sad :(
steve is so upset and angered by all this that he runs off to live in the desert and grow a beard and eat rattlesnakes. apparently he acquired the taste for snake from that one time.
and then more things happen and reed richards nukes washington DC and ults cap comes back and is elected president through popular election!!! that’s not how the us electoral system works but who cares!!!!!! president cap!!!!!!!! president cap is amazing. AMERICA IS HIS WHITE HOUSE. he is president for a while and tony wants to be his vice pres but he’s like “tony you’re a drunk loser don’t touch me.” ults steve doesn’t like tony even though he’s like one of ults tony’s only 2 friends.
tony even repaints his armor in steve’s colors and steve still doesn’t like him. haha tony.
then steve resigns as president because he’s Too Patriotic and the ultimates do things for a while. steve is less angry but he wears a shirt that looks exactly like his uniform and it’s kind of weird. that’s weird, steve. and then galactus shows up and sets new jersey on fire, and the ultimates can’t do anything about it!!! nothing works against galactus!!!! new jersey is on fire!!!!! galactus just stands around for 4 issues while everyone FREAKS OUT and then ults cap flies a jet into galactus’s mouth and explodes. it doesn’t do anything but ults cap dies. RIP ults cap.
they have a funeral for him and tony drinks a martini while giving steve’s eulogy and cries a lot.
Ok so what if in Cap3 Steve finds Bucky and Bucky starts remembering everything and by Avengers3 Bucky remembers most things by then. And then Steve dies in Avengers and Bucky is sobbing while holding his dead body and keeps repeating “but I just got you back”
We know Kamala Khan is popular, but what does a sixth printing really mean?
Kamala Khan has enraptured the world as many times as she’s saved it. Now, the plucky Pakistani-American teen who made history as the new Ms Marvel, comics’ first ever lead Muslim superhero, is getting a rare sixth printing—and heralding a new era of diversity in comics.
Although the world of comics occupies an increasingly large part of the pop cultural domain—last year the industry did about $800 million in sales—the number of people who actually buy comics is relatively small. Most comics only average about 3,000 copies per printing; with Kamala now on her sixth printing, she’s headed towards a whopping 20,000 print copies sold.
Still, to put things in perspective, sixth printings are major milestones in the world of comics. Spider-Man Issue #583, the one with President Obama on the cover, only made it to a fifth printing despite making international headlines. Kamala now joins an elite lineup of bestselling comics that have performed beyond all expectations.
a kid at hogwarts who just wants to get a proper education but can’t focus because of all of the shit harry potter and his friends keep getting themselves into
Jenna B. Lacey, age eleven, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life.
She was going to go to Hogwarts, get top grades, and be the youngest female Minister of Magic by age 35.
It would have been a good plan, if she hadn’t been in the same year as Harry Potter.
* * *
Year one started out great. She was sorted into Hufflepuff, did well in all her classes, and aced the exams.
A troll smashed its way through the study room she was in on Halloween, but that wasn’t going to deter her.
* * *
Year two was a disaster. People were getting petrified, and worse—the teachers had to herd them from place to place, which severely cut down on her library time. She had to study in the common room, which meant instead of a nice, quiet atmosphere, she got a soundtrack of nervous Hufflepuffs.
And on top of that, exams were cancelled. It was a disaster.
* * *
Third year, she started to notice a trend.
First the troll, than the petrifications, and now dementor guards and escaped convicts. What did they all have in common? Potter.
After Black broke in and everyone had to spend the night in the Great Hall, interrupting Jenna’s last minute studying for a test the next day, she took to giving Potter angry looks in every class.
He did not notice.
* * *
They announced the Triwizard tournament at dinner the first night of fourth year, and Jenna almost started crying.
Potter was going to take this one over. She just knew it.
And she was right.
Voldemort rose at the end of the year. She honestly didn’t know what she had expected.
* * *
Fifth year brought Umbridge. She joined the DA because she was going to need a better background in defense, but that didn’t mean she was any happier about Potter.
She imagined it was him she was hexing instead of Zachariah Smith.
But, by the end of the year, focus on her studies was impossible. After Dumbledore left, it was complete anarchy.
Potter’s fault. Of course.
* * *
Sixth year she started volunteering in the hospital wing. She needed a backup plan in case Potter fucked it up.
All seemed quiet, until they brought Malfoy in. It was apparently Potter’s fault, which surprised everyone except Jenna.
Later, she was peacefully studying in a little nook on the third floor when some Death Eaters and some other adults started dueling right under her nose.
This was the worst fucking school, honestly.
* * *
They were calling it “The Final Battle.”
Jenna ran through the hall, dodging in and out of the children evacuating, until she saw him.
He turned, startled. “Um—Jenna, right? We’re sort of busy—”
She grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him up until he was eye level with her. “If I’m not Minister of Magic by age 35, it is going to be entirely your fault and I’m going to hurt you.”
She dropped him and stormed away, leaving him to whatever he was doing. She had to fight this goddamn war so she could go back to her fucking studying.
It’s very sad when a TV show that you used to love reaches the point where, instead of getting all excited and praising the writers and plots and characters for hours, the best thing you can honestly say when someone asks you about it is, “Well, hopefully they won’t fuck it up TOO badly…”